I grew up by myself - my workaholic mother was working during the hours I was home (non-school hours) and my father was in the military. I lived by myself in college, off-campus. I get an apartment and before I know it, I'm living with my fiance. Music preferences, DECOR style ::shakes head, rolls eyes::..... it all clashes! Most importantly, he has food allergies: nuts and cinnamon. Guess what my specialty is (cooking/baking): Desserts. Know what my favorite ingredients are for numerous recipes? Yeah...

I am NOT accustomed to calling someone regularly (when I'm away from home) to report my geographical status. My parents didn't ask such a task of me. Now I gotta tell my roommate/boyfriend/fiance/what-have-you that I'm going somewhere and coming home at such-and-such a time. There's more to plan  like work and hobbies aren't enough to plan.

Ah, hobbies. I don't mind that he has interests that completely disinterest me. I don't mind that he doesn't understand my passions/interests. But he wants to learn to dance so we can dance together. That's fine to go out, but he's not the only one I'm going to dance with all the time, that's for sure. Even if "we" went out dancing socially, I'd dance with him as often as all the other men there. See... if this is something that he thinks we can do "together", it's not gonna ultimately work out that way.

He has a very large family, even when you omit the fact that his birth parents are divorced. If you include it, then multiply it. ::sigh::  I'm an only child and my entire extended family gets together.... maybe... every other year.

WE go out to dinner. I like to stay home and cook.
He's invited to some shindig by a friend, so automatically I'm invited (he/she/they often haven't met me and are anxious to remedy that), so automatically I'm expected to attend. Um, I don't want to go! For political reasons, I go. I usually have a terrible time because I don't like groups or crowds. Then I'm irritable all night because I wanted to stay home. If I DO stay home, I get "you were missed" all night or "here's another fine chance you passed by to meet someone who's been dying to meet you".

Biggest DAILY stressor: Sharing a bed room. No longer do I have my own space, but I don't have my own bed anymore. Heck, I used to have the whole house and now I have no space to myself. I mean, sure, I have "my desk" in a common/community room, but that's about as personal as it gets. When all I want to do is relax and rest, I have to accept and adapt to extra body heat, snoring, and just plain cuddling. I spent approximately a quarter century sleeping alone. It's surprisingly difficult to familiarize myself with body parts entangled with mine - and to ask this of me when I'm dying for SLEEP? It's so much work. I think myself a patient person, and I'm not the only one to claim so.... but I'm losing sleep and it's not too much to ask for a change due to health concerns.

I used to be an avid traveler, but now if I have any hopes of a vacation, I need to plan around his "free" dates and his destination preferences. I KNOW he's not gonna like me going off without him.

Movie nights, yay, who doesn't like movie nights. But I used to just... come home and pop in a DVD. Since my fiance and I have differing schedules, if I want to watch a DVD I ask myself  "does he want to see this movie? Yes? Then wait for him to come home and watch it WITH him". God knows he doesn't like it when I rent a movie and watch it without him. I tell him to watch it whenever he wants, and he's like "but I wanted to watch it with you"...

I can't even get a dog without asking what he likes, and, of course, he doesn't prefer the dog I love. But here I get him back - I don't like the dog he prefers either. So we both win. We both lose? Hmm...

How do you tell a friend that he's moving too fast?
She's single, but he's in the middle of filing a divorce.
He shouldn't rush into this. He's married.
Even after the divorce, he's just divorced.
When is the right time to start dating again?


In my lifetime, I've learned that Men Don't Want To Leave Their Wives.
In this particular case, his wife gave up the marriage and wants out. He's agreeing because for the last nine months, it's been an unhealthy relationship. How soon will it be before he can start a new relationship - and it be on good grounds, with a firm framework, and not so emotionally baggaged?

Three days before my birthday, a friend, a music partner, and a guy who liked me more than I realized all got together and said I was a whore. The friend, a former boyfriend, said I gave him herpes and claimed my illness from the few weeks before was a cover-up for an abortion. The music partner said I was dating him and slept with him. The other guy said I was dating him, slept with him, was pregnant, and cheated on him with the music guy.

See, this is all a circle: My music partner said I was dating him. The third guy claimed I was dating him. Both said I slept with them, so from here it looks like I cheated on both of them, with the other. The former boyfriend said that my "illness" (and I was sick - I bursted multiple hemorrhoids) was shady and it was a cover-up for an abortion. If you know anything about hemorrhoids, your lower abdomen hurts like hell, you vomit, and you bleed internally. Of course the third guy says 'oh! she has morning sickness' and the former boyfriend says 'oh! she WAS pregnant so she had an abortion!'.

Talk about a mess. Of course nothing in it is true. These guys talked to everyone I know and everyone they know to warn others about my "game". Bastards. I'll tell you this: People that love you don't try to jeopardize your character. Oh, may I add that after all this crap happened, they all asked me to put this behind me and still be friends. WTF?! The former boyfriend and the third guy both said they still loved me. The third guy said he still wanted to date me. We weren't even dating! This was all so confusing.

Do I forgive them for what they did? No. But I don't let it manipulate my life. If someone wants to believe such shite about me, well then they aren't worth being my friend. I didn't want people to "be on my side" to keep them as friends. I wanted them to trust me. If you think so lowly of me to believe the rumors that were spread, then go ahead, but you lost a great friend.

I don't care what people think of me. I want the people that DO know me to undertsand that all those bits about me couldn't be true, because it's not my nature. I would not love myself if I ever cheated on my boyfriend (who was not mentioned).